The Signs of Codependency- National Codependency Awareness Month

January has been coined National Codependency Awareness Month. Codependency can begin to take its toll on you and the people around you as it causes one to funnel all their energy into others, without considering their own needs and desires. This National Codependency Awareness Month, we want to help you develop a deeper understanding of codependency so you can build happier, healthier relationships in the new year.

What is Codependency?

Codependency is an emotional or behavioral health condition in which one places excessive pressure and reliance on their partners, friends, and family. Codependency is typically a learned behavior and can negatively impact a person's ability to form healthy relationships that bring mutual satisfaction and joy. This is because those who are codependent on others tend to place everyone else's needs and desires above their own, which can promote a damaging dynamic in the relationship and negatively impact the self-esteem of both individuals.

Codependent behavior is associated with four main patterns:

Self-sacrifice
External focusing, or placing one's focus on others
Interpersonal conflict and control, or a desire for control that causes conflict within the relationship
Emotional constraint, or trouble recognizing, regulating, and expressing one's emotions

Signs of Codependency

While codependency has not been officially considered a mental health disorder and has no diagnostic criteria of symptoms, there are a few signs one can watch for to determine whether they, or someone else, is codependent. These signs of codependency can include:

An excessive desire for praise and approval from others
Extreme fears of being abandoned or rejected
Placing one's self-worth in other's opinions of you
Putting partners or loved ones on a pedestal and staying whether the relationship brings you joy or not
Overwhelming yourself with tasks or work to receive gratitude from others or to make their lives easier
Doing things you are not comfortable with to make others happy
Feeling fearful of conflict and avoiding it at all costs
Excessive apologizing or allowing yourself to take the blame to avoid conflict
Ignoring your own needs and desires for the needs and desires of others
Stress, anxiety, or guilt surrounding doing anything for yourself
Acting controlling by making decisions for others
Lacking a sense of one's own emotions, projecting the feelings and moods of others instead
Struggling to locate one's own identity

How to Cope

Codependency can seriously affect your social relationships, mental health, and overall wellbeing. If you believe you are experiencing codependency, finding healthy ways to cope and find yourself again will allow you to begin living a happier, healthier life. A few coping tips include:

Making Time to Spend by Yourself

When you make little to no time for yourself, it becomes difficult to differentiate between the person you are and the person your partner is. You may find that you have yet to learn how to experience your own emotions, opinions, or where you even begin. Spending more time alone will allow you to build independence and find yourself again.

Pursuing the Things that Bring You Joy

When you throw your all into a relationship, the hobbies and activities that once brought you joy may fall by the wayside. Take a moment to consider the hobbies you loved before you jumped headfirst into your relationship and begin pursuing them again.

Practice Setting Boundaries in Your Relationships

Repeat after me: it is okay to say no. It is okay to say no if you have plans. It is okay to say no if you don't have the energy. No matter what your reason is, it is okay to say no. You have to start prioritizing your health and wellbeing, too. As the saying goes: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Setting healthy boundaries will allow you to build happier, healthier relationships.

Talk to a Therapist

If you are struggling with codependency, pursuing counseling may help you determine why you feel this way and find healthy coping mechanisms to help you break away from detrimental behaviors. Our skilled and educated therapists are here for you if you need guidance. Contact us today.

References

https://www.mhanational.org/co-dependency

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11469-018-9983-8

Keywords: counseling, therapist, counselor near me, codependency